|Anatole | Anna Areleous (firstlight) wrote,|
@ 2010-02-09 21:30:00
|Entry tags:||distractions are handy, everything's fine, face the morning, in one's thoughts, time ticks on, want want want, we're all very far away|
Three hours in the car this morning and oh boy, I hope I didn't bore poor Notus to tears. I just... didn't have a lot to say. It's not so much that Henrik's dead, really. They die, they all die. They always will. It's just... it's just that that was my place, and I tried so hard to make everything work for us, but there hasn't been a word since Elete in France. Henrik seemed like our best chance.
Or not. So I guess I'm the only one, after all.
I love Lady Eos, and I love her family. I do! Sometimes I look at her in the morning or see how Lord Astraios looks at her or Notus will smile that smile at me and everything feels right in the world. Everything is okay again. Except they're not my family. They're very kind to let me pretend, but it's not real, is it? I'm not just Anatole. I'm not supposed to just be Anatole. It's supposed to be Auge-Anatole-Musica-Gymnastica-Nympha-Me
Maybe I can be Anna again instead. It was easier.
Notus was incredibly sweet and we went to the museum for a few hours today. That helped a little; it wasn't my time, but it was time. Sometimes that's more than enough. We went for dinner -- I don't know how he finds these places to eat, but they're always amazing -- and now he's next door.
If it was anyone else, I'd probably have knocked by now. It's snowing outside. My room's lovely, but it feels like other people. And, oh, I don't know... I think I need to run. Tomorrow, at dawn.
Except waiting sounds awful.